Merfnet

Where have I been? Great question. So it indeed has been a while since I last posted, I am still around and kicking. I have been having some issues lately and not really feeling good. I have had some issues which I thought was my heart. I was and sometimes still having issues of where my heart will start to beat a little harder than normal or I get a shorness of breath. I went to the doctor and explained the situation of starting a new job, though its been over a year. I am still stressed out at work. I talked with my doctor about drinking. It turns out atleast right now that I have anxiety issues. So the doctor placed me on medication to help control the heart problems or the anxiety issues more of less. He also explaind to me that the drinking was a self medicated issue. So now that I am on the new medication, I am still drinking. Not really good if you ask me.

Tara and I’s relationship could be better and I wish it was. I don’t do anything anymore and have more excuses in the world to not do anything, it sucks really bad. She wants to do everything and I am a sore thumb.

More will come I promise.

       you know its only been what 14 months since we got back together and things are good but I seem to notice when he gets depressed he starts acting differently while we are away and kind makes me uneasy. Should it I dunno. Maybe its just my fear and i need to get over it or he needs to get help for himself. I know this Im not satisfied doing this tdy crap where her lives 2-3 hrs away during t he week and we see each other only on the weekends. Im not happy. i  know if he were to come back his old job would spiral him into a deeper depression or suicide bc its just that bad he already thot them thots so i suffer the crap of living this way to please his happy ass.  Hes been in 12 years and we been through hell.  He wants to go to Stuttgart for 3 yrs I really don’t bc I miss the states and my friends. I want to get a job and work.  If we stay I will finish my degrees here. I am just a bit confused.